Dear Sokolov,
Where do I even start processing the week I've spend with you? Each day seems like a week in and of itself--so much happens, I learn something new, my emotions travel all over the scale...There is very little to complain about, a lot to be thankful for, and a multitude of questions cropping up. What wil it be like, starting to teach on September 3 at the Gymnasium? Will I train wreck on my first day? How do I figure out what to teach, how best to do it, and answers to questions I don't yet know I need to be asking? Who are my students? Will I ever be competent in Czech? When will I be able to navigate this cute but confusing town of simple buildings, twisting roads and forested hills? Will I feel at home, instead of overwhelmed and a little lost? What would I do without my teammate Sarah? Will we be able to pop in and out of the grocery store, instead of spending two hours figuring out what things are? Who are our neighbors on the 12th floor of the tall green building? Where's the running trail we've heard so much about? How cold is it going to get? When will we feel comfortable enough to go to a restaurant? etc. etc. etc. Just settling in seems like a job in and of itself--it takes enough time and physical and emotional energy. It's about taking each day a step at a time, and remembering what has gone well: I have my school schedule; we found our way home when we were lost on a "short cut" bike trail; we got Sarah a Czech SIM card with help from the dictionary, a pen and paper, and a very patient T-Mobile man; we got our groceries and have enjoyed eating gourmet salads and watching an episode of Friends every night; we're learning a little Czech every day; jet lag has not been so bad; we've met some very kind and welcoming English-speakers.
You're making me think a lot about a)humility, and b) expectations. First, I didn't realize how much French I knew when I studied abroad there...it's crazy knowing about ten words of a language, and trying to live in that country. We wondered what kind of flour out of three choices to pick for baked goods, and had no idea how to ask. We are stopped by a man asking something (at least we look like we might be Czech, right?), and have NO idea of any word that came out of his mouth. I think I had a little bit more confidence in my adjustment abilities than was justified. It's ok to feel completely lost, and take time to settle in. It doesn't happen in a heartbeat, even if you've spent time abroad. Good to know. I will be embarrassed, and I need to step out and make mistakes!
Second, expectations...I know the ESI motto at training was "low expectations," but that's a lot harder than I anticipated. Even if my expectations are vague, they are there--of how I'll be feeling during this adjustment period, of what my head English teacher will be like, etc...and I'm realizing I'm waiting for something to click, to feel at home and wanted and needed here, but maybe I shouldn't spend the whole year waiting for something. Maybe I should just take what comes, but not be passive about it--I can examine my attitude about it, I can be positive, I can take the opportunities that come to do something new or spend time with someone or try a new activity in the classroom. I'm definitely nervous about this upcoming year...but I can only take it a step at a time, and remember that I'm supposed to be here and I won't regret this adventure. So thanks, Sokolov--I'm excited to get to know you a lot better in the coming months, see what you're like, interact with you, and see how we're both changed! At least, I'm sure I will be.
Sincerely,
Jamie
